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2B deleted v.soon?

It’s four in the morning, the end of December,   ….

OK it’s the middle of July but that doesn’t scan so well and it’s only 4 in the morning if you’ve stuck to GMT, but… after a fab night of drinking,eating, drinking, dancing, and drinking, am only just home after having, with help I hasten to add, hauled the mayor out of bed to give us wine, coffee & pâté for breakfast. I’m guessing in the UK that would count as anti-social behaviour – granted – and warrant an ASBO, if not a night in the cells. Highlights of the evening include two phone calls to the Ministry of the Interior to ascertain why the music (full blast and outdoors) had to stop at 3a.m,  and a French friend who lived in Dagenham for a while, informing an acquaintance from the village over the other side of the hill that YES, I really would pour my pint of beer over his head if he didn’t desist from trying to guess my bra size, and if he even thought of trying manual calibration, that beer shampoo would be the least of his worries.

{For some reason I treat the British male differently from the French variant – have no objection to a British man touching me – it’s only ever on the shoulder or hips – nothing ominous, but woe betide if his eyes stray South of, let’s say the nostrils. On the other hand, you can’t prevent a Frenchman from looking you up and down –  some more discreetly/obviously than others it has to be said, and as an aside, French female friends tend to get offended if they aren’t viewed as potential – and I stress that it’s normally purely hypothetical – bedmates, BUT the French expression  for “You’ve pulled” is “la touche”? so impersonations of octupi are unwelcome.  Anyway, to cut this drunken ramble back down to size – I swear that the next Frenchman who attempts to grab ANY part of my anatomy whilst talking about “les petites anglaises” ………………..(any good temporary insanity lawyers out there?).

In some ways I’m actually looking forward to hitting my seventies so as not to have to stick a rictus grin on my face when some eejit tries it on (IMO) but thinks they’re only having an innocent (I beg your pardon ?!***?!) laugh. In short, in the UK it’s fine for a woman to be one of the boys, and also for a fella to be an honorary girlfriend. Here,  ‘les histoires du cul’ seem to get in the way.

À la fin, aren’t we all just human beans?

(Kudos points to whomeover cites both ending and opening quotes)


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6 Responses

  1. Did you see the photo of Obama apparently admiring a derriere? It was on Drudge with a funny caption: “2nd stimulus package.” Funnier still, the video showed that the camera lied: Obama was merely turning to help someone on his right. Sarkozy on the other hand WAS getting an eyeful and shamelessly rubbernecked to get some more.

    Surely there must be a funny French expression for the kind of octopus you refer to (I just encountered the rather amusing: une grenouille de bénitier ). Un poulpe des poitrines? In Latin America the word, I have read, is atracador.

    But the word décolletage… is French isn’t it — for the art of catching octopi?

  2. Nope, have missed that one – may go hunting later. If Sarko was rubbernecking, (c’est normal, c’est un français, no not Hungarian, un français) I shudder to think what Berlusconi was up to.

    The funny French expression is, as far as I know, “c’est un homme”. Haven’t come across grenouille de bénitier, before, but according to my dico it means holier-than-thou, so if your definition is right then am feeling a little contrite that an IT bod from London knows more French than an admittedly very lazy linguist. There is ‘coureur de jupons’, but that refers more to a serial philanderer than the wandering eye &/or hand.

    As for décolletage, I only show a bit of cleavage at English parties, my French dress-sense being very ‘collet’ = strait-laced. Besides what would one do with an octopus, once caught? Calamari springs to mind.

  3. Hello there. I’ve been trawling through your blog and have greatly enjoyed your musings – I’ll certainly be back. In the meantime, can I claim the kudos points? I’m pretty sure the “four in the morning” quote is from Leonard Cohen’s Famous Blue Raincoat. The “human beans” quote is from Arietty, the youngest of Mary Norton’s Borrowers. Daughter of Pod and Homily. Is that enough?

  4. Welcome WS and thank-you – I like your blog too – is this what they call linky-love? (Pass me a bucket 😉 )

    You get half kudos points – so a french arse or 2 spaniard (cul/dos)!

    Yes L Cohen, Yes FBR, but no not The Borrowers unless Mary Norton coined the term before my reference – off to dig!

  5. OK Wordslinger, you win by thirty years as I was refering to Roald Dahl’s BFG, publ 1982, whereas your Borrowers was published in 1952.
    I’m off to find two French behinds – shouldn’t be hard

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